On a night where I get an hour of sleep(if that) at a time between feeding, crying, and shadow monsters, I end up hitting the exhaustion wall around 2 in the afternoon. My head feels like its in a vice, I can't see or think straight, and I don't want to be touched, which is quite difficult when you have three kids in a tiny apartment.
But something amazing happened once I got through that wall yesterday. I had some wonderful peace, and an odd desire to move even farther out of the city, live even simpler, homeschool, and not got back to work.
I felt extremely lucid and clear.
Why did I want all of those things? Most of you know that I've never had a desire for any of those things. That's why I was so taken aback at these thoughts and even moreso, how calm and to the point I felt about them. Could it have been the exhaustion? Possibly. But I didn't want to discount any of these new feelings.
I'm interestingly drawn to that simple homesteader and even Amish lifestyle. There's so much peace and clarity. No more hustle and bustle, no more social status quos. And it allows me to fully focus on my family and my heart.
One day maybe I'll make it there. Well 100 percent actually there. And until then I can homeschool, and I can escape into the Alaskan wilderness.
Who knows what I really have in store. If any of those things are really what I'm meant to do. I'll settle for peace and daydreams for now.
you are amazing and are doing a wonderful job as a mom !! and wife too, of course. I think the lifestyle choice sounds like a good one to me !I would not mind living in the wilderness myself.. I could definitiely live peacfully and would welcome the peacefulness as well.. love you..
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