Negative Influence

I went to the grocery store today. It's a huge to-do. Pushing a double stroller, pulling a basket behind me. Always rechecking the cart to see what Adeline has added when my back was turned, always soothing fussy twins, always bumping into displays, always running over patrons with my extra long cargo. It's a mess, and I'm usually a mess when it's all said and done. I try to make it better by going early in the morning when it's less crowded, and the staff are still chipper. Not today. The "Family Friendly" lane was not so friendly, and it really bothered me today. Usually I chalk it up to these folks hating their jobs, but something was off with this one today. She was extraordinarily grouchy. Beyond grouchy, to just plain rude and mean. I knew there was an issue besides me when she barked at the woman waiting in line behind me. I bit my tongue. So many scenarios and talking points ran through my head, but none of them felt right. I could have gone the unearthly christian kindness, the sassy backtalker, the positive words of affirmation route, but none felt genuine. It's awfully scary how much your behavior, attitude, and emotions affect EVERYONE around you. I left feeling extraordinarily angry, grumbling to myself, considering running back in and giving her a piece of my mind. Truth be told, I had already had a turbulent morning with my coffee not turning out the way I wanted, then not even having the time to drink it between pumping, making breakfast, feeding babies, and dealing with a big kid who's decided to start throwing super tantrums when I can't get her what she needs right that moment. I really just wanted to be around someone who was genuinely kind. Not the fake "Well hello! My you have your hands full! Are you finding everything you need today?" that most store employees give. Instead I got this woman. She really did a number on me and I don't understand why. I shouldn't allow other people to control my day and the way I feel, but when you think about it, how many times have you been around someone who was sincere and upbeat and it made you feel better? I felt like I was just in an emotional/spiritual battle; her negativity, and my positivity. I wasn't strong enough, and my positivity broke. Think about this with your kids. They're usually a ball of energy, positive, smiley, laughing positivity. And my bad day, tired mental state, and any other blah emotions can stop them in their tracks and break them down. That thought right there kills me. Never ever do I want Adeline or Ben and Morgan to feel the way this woman made me feel. I need to take control of my emotions, have a mantra that I can repeat and recenter myself. I need to be able to bend to kindness and good things, but stand firm against the negative. Look at these kids' faces. How in the world could I be upset, angry, mad, sad, distraught, when they are here? So pure, so free.